I ended up writing this post after a friend of mine called and shared her cliche complain with me: an argument with her husband – a thing that most of married women (and men for sure) have been through. I understood her frustration and her feeble state of mind as well, as I had been through that situation. We all would feel as the most miserable individual at that time. It was like nobody would ever experience anything more depressive than what happened to us. That’s a normal feeling when you’re disconconsolate. So many times have I heard someone or some friends saying: “We’re not even two years married yet. It’s supposed to be our honeymoon, but instead of getting roses, I get to fight with him for stupid reasons. I don’t understand… First years of marriage are supposed to be sweet.”
Oh, really? And what happen to the rest of your marriage life? They’re not supposed to be sweet? Well baby, I’m way out of your league in that matter! You watch too much soap operas, you read too many girlie magazines, you’re trapped in the fantasy of Barbie Fairytopia and the likes, and you’re exposed to too many E! Entertainment shows – from Top 10 Celebrities’ Romance to Top 10 Celeb’s Breakups!
You live your life in a fantasy world – the fantasy of romance where all beautiful princesses are gorgeously dressed with their best wedding gown, encircled by their hot, sexy, gorgeous princes each of which bring a dozen of red roses and a diamond ring to win the ladies’ hearts. Oh, not only that! You expect that your newly wed husband comes home every night bringing a box of chocolates, or roses (again..), or just any simple gift, telling you not to cook tonight because he’s going to take you out for a romantic, candle light dinner. Do you really expect him to do this everyday, every night, every second? Honey dear, wake up! It’s a real world you live in!
Marriage is not supposed to be sweet at the beginning! Why? Marriage is about assembling two wholly-different individuals with two wholly-different personalities and past experiences into one single sacred institution. Logically, if one has lived for years in certain habits, how could she or he switch her or his habits just in a snap of a finger in one night? So of course there will be conflicts, disagreements, teeth-gnashing, and so on. How could it be sweet then? All of those frictions and conflicts are normal – as long as there is no domestic violence involved.
Marriage is about breaking and demolishing walls of ego! Yes, it’s THE EGO that keeps you stay still within the circle of a never-ending argument over simple, stupid reasons. It’s THE EGO that makes you want him to do things the way you want and not the other way around. It’s THE EGO that makes you ask “What about me? What about my rights? What about what I want?” It’s all about a substance called EGO. And guess what? The learning process that one must go through to demolish the walls of ego, unfortunately, happens within the first few years of marriage. I ask you again, how could you expect that it’s supposed to be sweet while the process would involve some sour and bitter element?
Marriage is supposed to be like a wine. It gets better with age. It doesn’t taste as good at the beginning but it’s supposed to be yummy afterwards. Of course, not all marriage goes with the law of wine, but as I said earlier, it’s supposed to be. If, and only if, that is the paradigm, then many marriages will be saved because then, nobody would expect to have a juicy, fruity taste of marriage at the beginning and when things get worse, they complain and start to build their walls of ego. Instead, with this paradigm, couples will accept it as a normal process in life – as normal as breathing itself and it will lessen any distraught that emerges otherwise.
